speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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