im drinking this country out of the recession.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
