i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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