Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
