he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
