I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
