Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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