i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
