Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
These tits shall not be calmed
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
