Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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