My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
