The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
