uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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