Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
