i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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