I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The beer is more important than you right now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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