Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
