it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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