What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
