What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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