so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
