Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
