Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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