she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
