afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
