I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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