literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
