Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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