everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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