So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
