JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
