remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
