I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
