There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
