The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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