Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
