I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
