i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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