That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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