So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
