Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think a kid would responsible me up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
