I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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