at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
