i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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