If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
