this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
