listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
