last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
