matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
