I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
